The loss of a baby at any stage of  pregnancy can be an extremely distressing experience for parents. It represents the loss of dreams, hopes and plans of what their future would have been as a family.

 

Grieving following the loss of a baby is a unique experience for every parent. Some recover quickly, whilst others find intense feelings of grief engulf them later on. Feelings of grief change and vary over the weeks and months following a loss, almost always becoming more bearable with time.

 

Many parents find the support of family and friends invaluable, but there can be times when they feel that they are expected to be ‘over it’ and in these instances may find seeing a specialist bereavement counsellor extremely helpful.

 

Sometimes communication can be difficult between parents as they struggle to make sense of what has happened. In addition to the emotional distress of losing a baby, women have to cope with the physical changes of their bodies returning to normal.

 

Men sometimes find it hard to show their feelings and commonly describe how they feel powerless to help. Communication can break down in couples if the woman perceives this reluctance to talk about her partner’s feelings as a lack of caring.

 

Women are often surprised at the range and intensity of feelings resulting from the loss and need to be reassured that these are part of a normal  grieving process.

 

Facing the prospect of embarking on a future pregnancy can be a daunting prospect following a loss and this may be an area which parents may feel they need to explore before trying again.

 

Seeing a couple together or separately may be beneficial in enabling couples to understand the different ways they are handling their grief and viewing their future plans.

 

Our midwife counsellor is Ruth Kirchmeier who specialises in the care of parents who have experienced pregnancy loss. For the past 15 years she has run the West Midlands regional Pre-pregnancy Counselling and Pregnancy Loss Clinic in conjunction with Consultants in Fetal Medicine at Birmingham Women’s Hospital. She has a Certificate in Individual and Family Counselling, a Diploma in Bereavement Counselling and a Degree in Psychology.